Wednesday, February 4, 2015
Thursday, January 29, 2015
Ode to Kathy from Richard Baker
Ode to Kathy
Sleep
deep beauteous Princess K
the
Royal Rose is mere petal to your cheeks
The
Light is nigh o’er meadows and lakes
Under
Big Sky and o’er twin grand peaks
So
too may your spirit flow
Into
the valleys and well springs of our soul
Bringing
love and wondrous woe
to
mixed emotions, making us whole
Light
untold Kandles for K, n’er to grow old
Soar
now with eagle and shimmer with trout
Love
seared into memories so often told
Sleep
now with hyber bear in dreams of sight
Go
forth sweet Princess into the Light
Monday, January 26, 2015
from Barbie Kingsland
Dearest Kathy
To have known you as a Friend for 47 years I consider myself
to have been very blessed. Your beautiful and generous spirit will
live in my heart forever.
Love always.
from Diane Kingsland
To have been able to know Kathy was special. I will
always remember her beautiful smile and
witty personality. She will be missed by many . Peace be with her on
her new journey.
All my love.
from Robert, Kelley, Christina, and Cindy Kingsland
As
our tears begin to dry, we realize that mixed with our tears of sorrow are
tears of joy. The joy of "having Kathy as our, "Twin Aunt", the
joy of "her kind words and beautiful smile", the joy "in knowing
we were always included and welcomed", but most of all, the joy of
"knowing how much Kathy loved life and everyone she encountered".
We
will always be saddened by the loss of Kathy, but more importantly, we will
always smile, at the mention of her name, because of all that she instilled in
us.
With
all of our Love.
Sunday, January 25, 2015
A Tribute to Kathy
It is, once again, early here this Sunday Montana morning—my favorite time of day of my favorite day of the week in my favorite place at my favorite time of its year—and the peaceful sounds of Anne Murray’s ”What a Wonderful World” (which I highly recommend that you attain to assist in your soul work) play in the background. A substantial pile of anticipatory tissues are to my left; my view into the darkness is through the window off to my right; and the brightness of my future lies fully in front of me, a future that, unfortunately, will find me flying solo with my life’s partner having departed us this past Friday.
In this most fragile of times, I would like to write to you in tribute to my wife Kathy, as pictured above in 1998 when we first met. This tribute is not a solo act, but, rather one that ever so many of you actively participated in with by lighting your Kandle For Kathy as now savored forever on our www.kandlesforkathy.blogspot.com blogsite—a living tribute to a truly marvelous soul. Coming from a large Winter Park, Florida, family, Kathy was (egad, it is hard to write her name for the first time in the past tense, bringing on the tissues and inconsolable sobbing) a giver, not a taker. All those many of you who were blessed to be around her know that there was never an occasion when she failed to reach out to whomsoever was in the most need and provide help and solace and, even if you weren’t in need, you soon found out that her hostessing skills were such that you were soon in even less so. Babies, puppies, and children of all ages received Kathy’s kind unabated graces and warm affection…always; without fail.
When Kathy came into my life it was at time of relative personal darkness and, wow, did she indelibly light it up. As I mentioned once before, when we met on that Florida blind date on May 1, 1998, it was truly love at first sight. For the last now nearly 16 years, we were never for a moment emotionally apart…never. Even though our annual rhythm would find Kathy resident here in Montana from mid-May through mid-September and I would be based out of our San Rafael, California home, seldom was the time that we weren’t 100% in touch; simply stated, even when apart, we weren’t, and it has been the single greatest honor of my life to have had the privilege of spending over a decade and a half, non-stop, at the side of and with this wonderfully super-gratiated individual who (and I simply haven’t fully come to grasps with this, btw) has now departed us.
Perhaps the proper reason for my yet incredulousness is that, deep inside, I know that Kathy has not fully left us but, rather, her kind mind and giving spirit still lives among us. Yet, friends, it hurts—there is a bell-tolling deep-inside pain that I feel and I know that you also share; there is every bouillabaisse of emotion now unabatedly and involuntarily wafting through me (sadness, warmth, loneliness, pride, peacefulness, purpose, satisfaction, longing, and, yes, even a periodic hot sauce of upset) but through it all is the calmness of knowing that, while we were together, Kathy and I did everything in our power that we could do to make those and the environment around us a better one “because it was the right thing to do” and, from doing what we did (whether it was for kids Tyler & Trina, our local communities or for the betterment of our flora and fauna) we gained warm satisfaction and tremendous inner solace.
So a tribute to Kathy is one to all of the goodness in this world, to the portion of the cup that is half full, to the prospect that, properly directed, we can give wonderful purpose to our individual and collective lives to make this a better place to live. And I can tell you that, without exception, this world and each of our lives (mine being right at the head of that ever so long list) were blessedly better off with our dear Kathy at our sides and in our hearts with her unrestricted non-stop acts of random kindness. By way of example, for over a decade, without acknowledgement or publicity, was the “Secret Santa” for the nearby and needy Clinton primary school; she was a board member of the wonderfully giving organization designed to help children going through divorce, Kids’ Turn (in fact, we asked those attending our 1999 marriage to make donations to this worthy organization in lieu of unneeded tangible wedding gifts) and she was my partner in the Montana Matters fundraising campaign that, together, we divined, sponsored and have nourished for the past seven years (more on that below) and which now yet continues as one of the major Montana environmental fundraising campaigns.
Kathy was a giver, not a taker; she was a lover, not a hater (but, wow, don’t you dare ever get her dander up!); she was a hostess, not an attendee (even when a guest you would see her passing tray, tiding up and oft pouring coffee for any over-burdened restaurant where we might dine); she was a kind soul, not a wanton one; she was a beautiful partner who I will now miss forever.
My last week with Kathy was, beyond comparison, both the worst and best one. Worst because of the known inevitability of her soon-to-be passing; best because we got to spend a gaggle of uninterrupted hours together. Our routine that week was for me to arise around 1:00 a.m. and then spend the next 12-14 hours with her, giving Kathy the needed intervening time alone that I know that she cherished and so that our many Montana friends could visit here during the evening hours and have their own much-needed personal quiet time with her. As you know, I read aloud to her constantly (often up to 8 hours/day to the point of now proudly having a raspy voice); we “reviewed the bidding together”, going over the things that we shared together and loved together and the things that the future will now deprive. While on the surface an observer would seem to see and hear a one way conversation all week, it was quite the opposite. It was “business as usual for us”—in constant contact and synchronization without the need for a word to be said—and, during that vigil, I knew deep inside that two things would occur (although the timing of events was well hidden): first, Kathy would pass on her own terms at her own time and, secondly, she would do so when I wasn’t there (because she knew that her passing was my very worst fear)—and that’s exactly what happened…I called the night nurse at exactly 6:45 p.m. last Friday night to check on K’s status before retiring for a few hours’ sleep, was told unequivocally that “she is fine; things are normal” only to get a call from the hospital one half hour later that she had peacefully passed at 7:05 p.m.to the melodic voice of our dear friend and Montana Matters’ Troubadour Shane Clouse (who K affectionately called “one of my sons”) while he wafted Merle Haggard’ s “Sing Me Back Home”. You are now home, my dear, at the side of your loved and much-missed mother.
For those who believe in symbolism, as I do, Kathy’s passing has some ringing tones to it. K was born on a 12/3 and passed on 1/23—her life was lived by a simple 1…2…3 metronome. She passed on a Friday and I write to you on a Sunday—she was and is a saint who now rises to a higher dais. My favorite private song for Kathy (no one, not even her knew of its existence) was and is “For Emily, Wherever I May Find Her” (a copy is now posted on the Kandles For Kathy blogsite)—just before leaving mid-Friday afternoon, Mary The Golden Harpist tracked me down, took me aside and said that she was so touched by the manner in which we were handling K’s passing that she had not only viewed K’s blog but had memorized that song and wanted to play it for Kathy and me); my last waking moments with Kathy were of Mary strumming the glorious notes of that special song to us both—something that I unwittingly had the sense to record on my iPhone (which I will post on K’s blogsite when I get back to the Bay Area in a few days) and which I will now have forever, along with all of the glorious remembrances of our special earthbound life together.
Forever…the ultimate sign of love, in my opinion, is letting the person that you love have the unabated freedom of choice and action accompanied by a healthy dialogue of what is right and what is possibly wrong. That is the way that Kathy and I lived our lives—neither was the jail keeper for the other and neither criticized (well, not too much, that is) the acts of the other. Forever…Kathy: You and I both believe in our Episcopalian-taught deist ways that the spirit lives on; that there is a life beyond this one….and, as we both know, I will find you again, my dear, so that we can continue on together again in all that we so specially shared together here on this Earth….I love you now and forever with all of my now broken heart…may you travel and be in peace until we meet again, for again we shall meet in our continued foreverness…forever.
Many have asked whether there will be any services to honor Kathy and the simply answer to which (and the one that stunned and amazed the wonderful staff of Missoula’s St Pat’s Hospital) is that, unlike so many other who wait for death to celebrate life, we already had those services in our lighting a Kandle For Kathy during her last week of life and during a period time that she could join in (which she did and for which she thanks each of you, btw). Every Kandle For Kathy is now a continued service for her and I encourage that you engage in that continued act of kindness and reflection often and, as you do, lovingly look back on her life as one of quiet grace and giving. Also, we have set up a donation button on our beloved www.montanamatters.com website where those so inclined can make a monetary donation in her honor, knowing that your kindness will benefit the flora and fauna of our beloved Montana, God’s own backyard that she so cherished.
Thus is my tribute to Kathy; thank you all for being by both of our sides in these recent most trying of moments—I am in concluding satisfaction that we did all humanly possible to give to her in her final passing the grace and goodness that she gave to ever so many every day of her blessed life to us. Anne Murray currently sings “Nearer My God To Thee”, and that is my final wish to you Kathy—may you rest in Her hands in peace forever.
Lovingly,
Your Husband, Ron
Friday, January 23, 2015
Kathy's "Inning" With A Harp and a Heffalump
It is nearly 3:00 a.m. this Friday morning and our vigil for Kathy peacefully continues on. After a rough day yesterday when respiratory issues raised their (inevitable) ugly heads, we tinkered with K's meds and got things back under relative control--relative that is because there is no doubt as to her residual departure.
In all my now 68 years I have never done anything so difficult as witnessing this now long goodbye. Imagine having guests that you would never see or be around again departing on your doorstep and having that departure taking now five days--that's kinda what this is like but the departure dialogue is but one-sided, with K comatose the entire time.
That being said, I have never been one to sit around and mope, witness yesterday afternoon while reading "Winnie The Pooh" to K (earlier that day having finished our aloud revisitation of "The Wind in the Willows") when in comes Mary the St Pats' resident folk harpist and, purely impromptu, we spent the next hour together, I reading to K of Pooh and Piglet's great adventure hunting for Heffalumps and Mary following in cantation with the strings of her harp. Not only was it a moving experience for all three of us but it also provided for an "inning" for Kathy, as bedridden terminal patients certainly can't have "outings"!
So the vigil for the inevitable goes stably onward. Kathy and I continue to be moved by your kind messages, prayers and Kandle Power--her www.kandlesforkathy.blogspot.com is truly something to behold. Emanating through those wonderful acts of kindness, by way of example, was an email message from my good South Carolina friend Mark Zion, who, upon learning of my intent to read to Kathy of the great Willows ventures of the Rat, the Mole, the Otter and the Toad, directed me to the apparition passage finding Rat and Mole afloat in search of Otter's then lost son, when Rat exclaims: "O Mole! The beauty of it! The merry bubble and joy, the thin, clear, happy call of the distant piping! Such music I never dreamed of, and the call in it is stronger even than the music is sweet! Row on, Mole, row! For the music and the call must be for us."
I read this passage to Kathy three times yesterday when, during the course of the day, things looked most dim; it helped us both...thanks, pal.
So the watch continues and, as I mentioned yesterday, K is yet having a(nother) comfortable inning's stay here in Missoula, Montana, where the outside temperature has been dipping into the teens but where, inside, things are fireplace warm.
Thanks again to all of you for your most welcome outpouring of love to a most beautiful and deserving recipient--our Hostess With The Mostess.
Ron
In all my now 68 years I have never done anything so difficult as witnessing this now long goodbye. Imagine having guests that you would never see or be around again departing on your doorstep and having that departure taking now five days--that's kinda what this is like but the departure dialogue is but one-sided, with K comatose the entire time.
That being said, I have never been one to sit around and mope, witness yesterday afternoon while reading "Winnie The Pooh" to K (earlier that day having finished our aloud revisitation of "The Wind in the Willows") when in comes Mary the St Pats' resident folk harpist and, purely impromptu, we spent the next hour together, I reading to K of Pooh and Piglet's great adventure hunting for Heffalumps and Mary following in cantation with the strings of her harp. Not only was it a moving experience for all three of us but it also provided for an "inning" for Kathy, as bedridden terminal patients certainly can't have "outings"!
So the vigil for the inevitable goes stably onward. Kathy and I continue to be moved by your kind messages, prayers and Kandle Power--her www.kandlesforkathy.blogspot.com is truly something to behold. Emanating through those wonderful acts of kindness, by way of example, was an email message from my good South Carolina friend Mark Zion, who, upon learning of my intent to read to Kathy of the great Willows ventures of the Rat, the Mole, the Otter and the Toad, directed me to the apparition passage finding Rat and Mole afloat in search of Otter's then lost son, when Rat exclaims: "O Mole! The beauty of it! The merry bubble and joy, the thin, clear, happy call of the distant piping! Such music I never dreamed of, and the call in it is stronger even than the music is sweet! Row on, Mole, row! For the music and the call must be for us."
I read this passage to Kathy three times yesterday when, during the course of the day, things looked most dim; it helped us both...thanks, pal.
So the watch continues and, as I mentioned yesterday, K is yet having a(nother) comfortable inning's stay here in Missoula, Montana, where the outside temperature has been dipping into the teens but where, inside, things are fireplace warm.
Thanks again to all of you for your most welcome outpouring of love to a most beautiful and deserving recipient--our Hostess With The Mostess.
Ron
from Julie
With admiration full, moments of love never dull, being a twin is a bond beyond compare.
If I could only use 3 words to describe my sister it would be beautiful, devoted, and generous. She embodied all that I was not. She wore her heart on her sleeve and loved all unconditionally. She was completely devoted to my children, Jenny and Sam, loving them as her own. Were I have always been the “leader of the pack” protecting the both of us from all harm; being open and accepting of her emotions were second nature to Kathy.
To know a twin is to love one soul in two bodies. We share everything! The bond of sisters can be such a defining part of one’s life, as I’ve witnessed with my own girls, but nothing can compare to the bond that a set of twins share. It’s so much more then looking identical, or sharing DNA, but an unspoken, unspoiled, and unconditional bond. Kathy was my everything as I was hers. From the very beginning she was the center of my universe. Mom would often say she had 5 kids and twins, as we were one. We were attached at the hip doing all and everything together. From picking on our younger brother Ralph, plotting and scheming ways to get rid of him. Nevertheless, our failed efforts prevailed and we grew to love and adore him as our own baby. Modeling in fashion shows in Winter Park, taking dance together (and to our mother’s dismay we weren’t interested in), to being known in the Winter Park/Maitland area as “The Baker Twins” again as one. We even shared our first wedding together.
I truly believe God know we would bring more love, joy, laughs, and memories as two people with one soul instead of one, so he made us twins. I love you like crazy and will miss you every single second of every single day until the day comes that we will be together again. But I wouldn’t change one thing that transpired over the past 62 years. Time, distance, words, and people can never break the love we share between each other. I vow to live out the rest of my life honoring you and all that you were.
Until we meet again......
Julie
Thursday, January 22, 2015
from Judy Smith
This is a "Forever Kandle" for Kathy, and will never burn out as long as it is filled with oil ... and we will keep it filled for her.
from John Guillory
My heart and love goes out to you & your family. On
behalf of my family and my team, I have reached out in heart and with my
prayers to let Kathy know we will see her on the other side.
From Sarah
This Simon & Garfunkel song is just beautiful, as beautiful as Kathy. All my heart goes out to the two of you . . .
from Jon & Kristie Beal
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Love,
peace and prayers to you for your journey, Kathy. Your special, vibrant
light and energy, which you have shared with so many, will guide your
way.
from Judy Smith
Just returned home from an out of town
conference to your report …. Feeling such overwhelming emotions…. And thinking
about the many memories of so much we have shared over the years. Sending love
to both of you. So thankful for Kathy and how she has made a forever impression
on those fortunate enough to have known her. I am running home now to light a
Kandle …. And (maybe this will bring a smile to Kathy’s face; Ron, I know you
will laugh) but if my terrible tech skills will allow, I will post it here.
Otherwise please know that our Kandle for Kathy burns brightly. Kathy, your
beauty and flame will forever remain in our hearts. Xxx Judy, Gregg, Natalie
and Julia Smith
Best to all this early, early Thursday morn from Kathy's bedside where she is resting very peacefully...so much so that I think that she is settling in for a long winter's nap with us. Her breathing is more regular today than it was yesterday and I am satisfied, with the invaluable assistance of her medical doctor Sam Baker who spent the last few days here with K and me, that we are doing everything possible to make her final earthbound passage a comfortable one.
I attribute Kathy's extended peaceful repose 100% to each of you who have been kind enough to light a Kandle For Kathy--you can see your handiwork on our www.kandlesforkathy.blogspot.com blog site...bless and thank you one and all for reaching out you our Hostess With The Mostess and helping out to make her final passage a warm an comforting one.
Kandle Power--never underrate it.
I have asked everyone I come across here at wonderful St Pats "How much longer?"--indeed, the question on ever so many other minds as well. The simple (and at the same time complex) answer is "We just don't know." What we do know, however, that K's passing is irreversibly inevitable...the timing of things (as always has been of her beautiful want, btw) is up to my two lady friends: Kathy and God. And their want is mine--take your sweet time each, as no one I know wants Kathy to leave our lives...ever.
More than ever, today, Kathy reaches out to each of you with her heartfelt thanks for your caring, your love and your Kandle Power. She feels it, is empowered by it and is internalizing the strength that you have blessed her with, providing her sustenance and light for her journey ahead. She asks that, in her honor, that you reach out today and hug someone, tell them that you love them, and explain that you are doing so because Love Matters.
Thank you all for being at our side.
Ron & Kathy
from Eddie and Yoshimi Downer
Ron, our thoughts and prayers are with you and Kathy!
May the Lord
be with you!!!
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from Karen Barber
from Kate Ortolano and Jean Prominski
from Chris Richards
A
wonderful hostess! So many wonderful memories throughout the many years but,
especially the last four. Super Bowl, parties and events, I have so many warm
memories. So gracious and always thoughtful.
from Dick Bitzer
We have lit
a special kandle for our special Kathy.
You are
forever in our hearts and prayers.
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
from Brandi Lopez and Family
Prayers for peace in your heart and a peaceful passing. With
Love from San Juan Capistrano.
from Derek Thornhill & Lauren Testa
Sending our love and a request to the Angels - Please
look after her.
A message from Kathy
It is early morn here in Missoula, MT (so early that it is actually the middle of the night) and, as I sit next to Kathy in her room I want to give you an update that she is stable and comfortable in her now yet terminal condition. She peacefully rests with the glow of your shining Kandles beaming from her brow--what a sweet homage that is to her lifetime of giving.
Kathy is honored by the www.kandlesforkathy.blogspot.com blog site that has been set up for the posting of the now massive numbers of candles now lit to provide her strength and visage as she takes her final path with us. We both thank you all for the heartwarming outpouring of love and support that we each have received during this most trying of times. Love matters and your reflection of that speaks well for us all.
So many days we rise and go about our daily chores without taking time to reflect on the gift of life bestowed upon us. It is only when a tragedy occurs that we take time to stop and think about all that is good around us; so thanks for taking a pause for us, and know that your prayers and warm thoughts are lovingly received.
Some background and reflections:
Kathy and I met on a blind date in Tampa, Florida on May 1, 1998. We were introduced by her sister Marty, for whom I was doing legal work at the time. It was simply an event of love at first sight. We commuted cross country, dating for a year, using Forty Niner away games as meeting sites, in addition to our respective Florida and California residences. How well I remember sitting on the 50 yard line on November 1, 1998, with K, watching Steve Young and Brett Farve duke it out on Monday Night Football as we sat freezing our buns off on (get this) the metal benches of Lanbeau Field, as well as our being in Charlotte the following month to watch the Niners play the Carolina Panthers.
We married on May 1, 1999--one year to the date that we met--and, not too long thereafter began looking for a second home where we could enjoy the fishing that we each love so well. That search resulted in our buying our log home along fabled Rock Creek, MT, in 2002--the same year that I left the big firm practice of law to be able to live life "our way" ( as opposed to by the rigid dictates of others). Both 2002 decisions were magical as, for the past 15 years we have lived the Camelot life--I with my Queen (her nickname with us, btw) and the Queen with her castle with sacred Rock Creek serving as her nearby moat.
In ever so many ways our life together was, indeed, a charmed one. The winter weekends were filled hosting 49er football games with K's fabled parking lot pre-parties and the summers abounding with our self-created fly fishing Extravaganzas. And I tell you this because Kathy has asked me to do so and to let each of you know just how special you were to her and to our relationship.
Into every forest some rain must fall and into each there are times of darkness that match the time of sunshine. For K her darkness was an addiction to alcohol (an addiction that she freely admitted to) but one that she was insistent that she "handle my way". Well, as we reach the end of days, it sadly turns out that the darkness will prevail over the sunshine. As we oft discussed together, the visitor alcohol had crawled into her ear and taken up unwelcome residency inside her. In its multiple forms, the alcoholism was both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand it provided escapism to her propensity towards constant worry over even the smallest of matters; on the other, it was eager to take over her mind and spirit to be used for its own insatiable desires. The ying and the yang; the upside for K and her eventual downfall.
With the above as a backdrop, let me channel to you Kathy's thinking:
She loves each and every one of you without condition or qualification.
She forgives each of you with whom she may have had cross feelings or untoward words--she harbors no grudges, particularly to her twin sister Julie and in-law Barbie Kingsland.
She beckons you to be kind and respectful to others and points to the Golden Rule as a credo for life.
She asks for your forgiveness of her shortcomings and regrets all hardship that her alcoholism has bestowed on others--particularly you, son Tyler, and you, daughter Trina. She hopes that her now life-ending experience can be a productive lesson for others
She loves her Montana and that love, along with the warmth and vision of your individual Kandles For Kathy, and now simply does not want to leave--she now clearly sees the beauty of all that had surrounded her and now fully recognizes that her dancing with alcohol was a Fool's Errand.
She now wants me to stop writing and continue reading "The Wind In the Willows" to her (which I will now do with the editorial note that it's been different reading to her for such long periods of time without her interjections and loving suggestions).
Best to all from the now winding final chapter of Camelot.
Ron
from Jason Grossman
For dear Kathy. She is a very special person and I
remember many great moments with her. My thoughts are with her every moment.
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