It is early morn here in Missoula, MT (so early that it is actually the middle of the night) and, as I sit next to Kathy in her room I want to give you an update that she is stable and comfortable in her now yet terminal condition. She peacefully rests with the glow of your shining Kandles beaming from her brow--what a sweet homage that is to her lifetime of giving.
Kathy is honored by the www.kandlesforkathy.blogspot.com blog site that has been set up for the posting of the now massive numbers of candles now lit to provide her strength and visage as she takes her final path with us. We both thank you all for the heartwarming outpouring of love and support that we each have received during this most trying of times. Love matters and your reflection of that speaks well for us all.
So many days we rise and go about our daily chores without taking time to reflect on the gift of life bestowed upon us. It is only when a tragedy occurs that we take time to stop and think about all that is good around us; so thanks for taking a pause for us, and know that your prayers and warm thoughts are lovingly received.
Some background and reflections:
Kathy and I met on a blind date in Tampa, Florida on May 1, 1998. We were introduced by her sister Marty, for whom I was doing legal work at the time. It was simply an event of love at first sight. We commuted cross country, dating for a year, using Forty Niner away games as meeting sites, in addition to our respective Florida and California residences. How well I remember sitting on the 50 yard line on November 1, 1998, with K, watching Steve Young and Brett Farve duke it out on Monday Night Football as we sat freezing our buns off on (get this) the metal benches of Lanbeau Field, as well as our being in Charlotte the following month to watch the Niners play the Carolina Panthers.
We married on May 1, 1999--one year to the date that we met--and, not too long thereafter began looking for a second home where we could enjoy the fishing that we each love so well. That search resulted in our buying our log home along fabled Rock Creek, MT, in 2002--the same year that I left the big firm practice of law to be able to live life "our way" ( as opposed to by the rigid dictates of others). Both 2002 decisions were magical as, for the past 15 years we have lived the Camelot life--I with my Queen (her nickname with us, btw) and the Queen with her castle with sacred Rock Creek serving as her nearby moat.
In ever so many ways our life together was, indeed, a charmed one. The winter weekends were filled hosting 49er football games with K's fabled parking lot pre-parties and the summers abounding with our self-created fly fishing Extravaganzas. And I tell you this because Kathy has asked me to do so and to let each of you know just how special you were to her and to our relationship.
Into every forest some rain must fall and into each there are times of darkness that match the time of sunshine. For K her darkness was an addiction to alcohol (an addiction that she freely admitted to) but one that she was insistent that she "handle my way". Well, as we reach the end of days, it sadly turns out that the darkness will prevail over the sunshine. As we oft discussed together, the visitor alcohol had crawled into her ear and taken up unwelcome residency inside her. In its multiple forms, the alcoholism was both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand it provided escapism to her propensity towards constant worry over even the smallest of matters; on the other, it was eager to take over her mind and spirit to be used for its own insatiable desires. The ying and the yang; the upside for K and her eventual downfall.
With the above as a backdrop, let me channel to you Kathy's thinking:
She loves each and every one of you without condition or qualification.
She forgives each of you with whom she may have had cross feelings or untoward words--she harbors no grudges, particularly to her twin sister Julie and in-law Barbie Kingsland.
She beckons you to be kind and respectful to others and points to the Golden Rule as a credo for life.
She asks for your forgiveness of her shortcomings and regrets all hardship that her alcoholism has bestowed on others--particularly you, son Tyler, and you, daughter Trina. She hopes that her now life-ending experience can be a productive lesson for others
She loves her Montana and that love, along with the warmth and vision of your individual Kandles For Kathy, and now simply does not want to leave--she now clearly sees the beauty of all that had surrounded her and now fully recognizes that her dancing with alcohol was a Fool's Errand.
She now wants me to stop writing and continue reading "The Wind In the Willows" to her (which I will now do with the editorial note that it's been different reading to her for such long periods of time without her interjections and loving suggestions).
Best to all from the now winding final chapter of Camelot.
Ron
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